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Ericson tried looking into the tube, but it was too dark to see anything. Finally he had a bright idea:
He lit a match, thinking the light might attract the gerbil.
But the match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas. The flame shot up the tube, ignited Ericson s
mustache, and burned his face. As for Baggot, his fur was set on fire which ignited an even larger
pocket of gas farther up in the intestine. It set up such a charge that the gerbil became a furry, flaming
cannonball propelled out with incredible force.
The upshot? Selwyn wound up with first- and second-degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal
tract; Ericson with second-degree burns to his face & plus a broken nose from the impact of the
gerbil.
On Indecent Exposures
The Hillsborough County, Florida, sheriff s office received a troubling phone call from a woman.
Apparently a young man, identified by the caller as Tommy Miltiades, had exposed himself to a four-
year-old girl during a family picnic.
The police immediately called the Miltiades family. And a woman who said she was Tommy s
mother answered the phone.
The deputy first explained that someone had accused Tommy of indecent exposure. To demonstrate
the severity of the charge, he explained the penalty fifteen years in prison. Then he asked if he could
speak with Tommy in person.
The mother paused for a moment.
It would be a little tough, she explained. Her son was there, all right, but he couldn t speak to the
police. He couldn t speak to anyone, actually. In fact, he couldn t speak at all.
The reason? He was only thirteen months old.
On the IRS, Attitudes Toward Sex
In the late 1960s, the all-seeing IRS began to crack down on prostitutes. They put their crack
accountants to work, carefully scrutinizing the tax returns of women convicted of prostitution.
Was this part of an antivice program with federal law enforcement officers to put the heat on sex
crimes?
No, of course not.
We re not out to control vice that s a police problem, an IRS official explained tersely. We
just want them to file their returns and pay their taxes.
On Jail Beds, Alluring
A man from Texarkana, Arkansas, was arrested on charges of being drunk in public.
The man proceeded to make matters much worse by getting his penis stuck in his metal jail bed.
Apparently he saw a hole in the bed and couldn t resist sticking it in. Jailers tried to ease his penis
out, but instead it swelled up like a big red balloon.
Jailers were forced to disconnect the bed from the wall with a blowtorch, and the man, his penis,
and the bed finished their time in a nearby hospital.
On Jail Breaks, Why to Remain Celibate During
It was a perfectly planned jail break. Eight inmates of the metropolitan jail in Nashville, Tennessee,
kidnapped one of their guards and overpowered another. Then, free from their cells, they made their
way to the women s jail.
Once they got there, they decided to indulge in what they d been missing and have a little sex.
It had been a long time. And the sex was good so good, in fact, that they decided to go at it a little
more & and a little more &
Unfortunately, they were having such a great time and making so much noise that the other jail
guards, armed with shotguns, were able to find them and recapture them.
On Japanese Products, Unexpected Sexy Names and
Matsushita Electric Industrial Company of Japan was introducing a new home computer product line
under its Panasonic brand in Japan. And it came up with the catchy brand name Woody as in
woodpecker.
Then it came up with a new niche product in the line PCs that had touch-screen capability and
the company came up with the clever name Touch Woody.
Last but not least came the utility to download Internet home pages dubbed Internet Pecker.
It wasn t until an American worker at the company heard the names that top management realized
that these products might not quite have the right sales appeal in American markets.
On Jeopardy, Italian-Style
An audience-participation quiz show is a real hit on Italian television but it s also drawing a lot of
protest.
On the show the contestants are all women and if they fail to answer a question correctly before
viewers call in the right answer, they take off one piece of clothing at a time. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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