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Bullshit! Dave grabbed the bar, lifting its weight from her
trembling arms and bringing it to a clanking rest above her. You ve
gone way overboard today. Don t tell me it s nothing.
She sat up, the memory of the way Chandler s skin tasted all too
real and heating her damp skin.
So? Dave continued with irritation, tossing a towel at her. You
gonna tell me what s going on or not?
Sarah wiped her face with a weak hand and fought off the
dizziness she was feeling from her hard workout as well as from her
thoughts about Chandler. She tossed the towel back to Dave, hell bent
on remaining strong. I gained half a pound last week.
Dave scoffed and adjusted the elastic waistband of his sweat shorts
with obvious frustration. You re unbelievable.
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WILD ABANDON
Sarah could tell he was upset at her refusal to give him a meaningful
response, but to her relief, he didn t pursue the matter and left her alone
the rest of their workout, enabling them both to lift in peace.
By the time they d finished, Sarah s upper body trembled with the
stress of going five sets on each and every lift. She stretched her taut
muscles and resisted the urge to flinch in distress in front of Dave. He
would only bite into her again about overdoing it. They headed slowly
over to the treadmills, where they always finished their workouts. Sarah
climbed on and set the pace at a brisk walk, which quickly led into a jog
as Dave walked casually beside her.
You know, he began, his voice heavy with concern. You can
talk to me.
Bout what? She was a little surprised he was starting in again.
But she remained focused on her running. She was getting in her groove
now, all of it becoming one, her steps, her heart rate, her breathing. It
felt good, somehow seeming to soothe the tightness in her muscles.
Anything. He wiped his face with his towel. When I think of
all the things you ve helped me through& His voice trailed off.
Sarah s legs continued to melt into the treadmill as she listened to
him. It was true, she had helped him through a lot. Problems with his
wife, problems with his folks. She had always been there for him and
she always would. And she suspected he would do the same for her if
given the chance.
He seemed to study her for a moment, squirting a stream of water
in his mouth. Swallowing it, he said. So what s going on? You only
work out this hard when something s eating you.
I told you. It s nothing. Sarah refused to let his questioning trip
her up. Like a soldier marching perfectly in line, she pressed on. She
wasn t in the mood to talk about anything, not even to Dave.
She kept running, feeling the seed of guilt growing in her stomach.
While she usually kept most things inside, she did talk to Dave quite a
bit. Rarely about anything serious, but they joked around and spoke of
life in general. When she was quiet and driven, Dave worried, because
he knew her better than most people and she trusted him more than she
trusted anyone else. But how could she tell him about this? About her
own private demons from her past? About the man who called himself
her father who now lay dying? About the job she had always wanted
but secretly feared she wouldn t get? She couldn t, there was no way.
Dave would try to understand, but in no way could he help her battle
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RONICA BLACK
the demons that were hers to fight alone. And he would be hurt that she
hadn t told him about the job. So she was stuck dealing on her own.
She pressed on with her run as Dave pressed on with his quest to
get in her head.
I m not stupid, Sarah. I know something s under your skin,
he announced, wiping his chin with his thick forearm. Look, you ve
helped me out. You give good advice when I need it. And Nicky acts
like we wouldn t have a marriage if it wasn t for you. She s always
asking me to invite you to dinner. I wish you d come more often.
Sarah reached up to check her pulse, loving the high from her
steady jog, but hating the guilt she was feeling in regard to Dave.
How about it? Dave asked from his squeaking treadmill, now
trying a different angle to reach her. Dinner tomorrow night?
Can t. It was bullshit but she didn t want to give in. She was
afraid that if she did, her wall would come crumbling down and she
would fall apart in front of him.
She pushed the down arrow key on the treadmill and slowed her
pace to a fast walk. Her hand returned to her neck, and she forced
herself to concentrate on her pulse.
Dave kept on. You got other plans?
Satisfied with her heart rate, she glanced over at him as her brain
settled. His body was thick, solid with the bulk of muscle. He was far
from cut, but beefy in his build with little visible fat. Sweat shimmered
on his head where he kept his reddish hair shaved close to the scalp.
She took a squirt of warm water from her plastic bottle and returned
it to the holder. In a gentler tone, she said, I just can t, okay?
If you re seeing someone, you can tell me
She jerked her head and cut him off. I m not. Dave knew she
didn t date. And when she had, with Danielle, she had kept it quiet.
Danielle Turner had been a huge mistake and the negative feelings still
stung, even though it had been a few months since their breakup.
The couple of times Dave had asked questions regarding her love
life had won him the silent treatment. So why would he think she was
seeing someone now? Was her attraction to Chandler that obvious?
Frustrated to think she could be that transparent, she tensed her body.
Okay, okay. He sounded resigned. But if you ever do get
involved, I hope you ll tell me. Even if it s, you know&
She listened to his sentence trail off and cocked her head, her
curiosity awakened. Even if it s what?
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WILD ABANDON
Dave appeared uncomfortable and almost embarrassed as he
turned his head to face forward. His eyes focused on his water bottle as
he said, Another woman.
Sarah almost laughed. Dave had never had the nerve, and she d
never given him the reason, to question her sexuality before. So why
now, big guy? She observed him in silence, taking note of the fear
draining the color from his face. He must really be worried about her to
bring up something so intensely personal and quite possibly upsetting
to her.
Thank you, she managed, not sure what else to say. She knew
Dave would never tell anyone about her private life, but she just wasn t
ready to get into it. She felt too emotional right now, her walls too
weak. She had to remain strong, for her own survival.
They walked on in silence and as Sarah slowed her breathing and
tried to relax, she wondered if she was being too guarded. Over the
years it had become second nature. At first she d retreated into herself
knowing that her parents were always too drunk to care, and eventually
it became a habit. She took care of herself. She never needed anyone
else. Now she wasn t sure how to be any other way.
But Dave s hint at a female lover brought back more images.
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